im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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