Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Randomize
