hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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