I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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