How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
