I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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