How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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