worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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