I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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