Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
