I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
