Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
