Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
