Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
