she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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