i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
