The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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