i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
