I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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