i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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