I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
