Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
