I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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