She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
