she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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