so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
