Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
