just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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