you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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