tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i barfeds in our rink
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
