If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
