Me too!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
