Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
