I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
