just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
