imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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