i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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