I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
