no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
