Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
