I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
