i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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