A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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