Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize