9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
