I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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