i think i have herpe
just one?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
