remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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