i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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