sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
