thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
