I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He? As in you personified your dick?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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