You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
