I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
