I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
