he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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