capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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