dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
