Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize