3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
