Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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