You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
