I wish they made helmets for livers.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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