i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
