1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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