I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
