OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
