; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
