After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
