is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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