i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
