idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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