But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
