Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
