What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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