Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
