life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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