I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
