Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
