She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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