I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
