Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
