I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Randomize
