You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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