So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
