I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
