I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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