u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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