oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
