I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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