I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
