Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
