Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
this beer tastes like vomit already
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
