Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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