I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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