so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
