lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize