Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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